So I took my family to the Coast this past weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year because I’m Chinese. Okay, I’m not really Chinese, but I’m part Buddha, or at least I have a statue. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, Chinese New Year. So this is the Year of the Snake, which means many things. What, I am not exactly sure. Actually, I’m a big fan of Eastern astrology, feng shui and long walks on the beach. Okay, besides that, what we have to consider about the Year of the Snake is our element.
Remember back in the 70’s it was, “what’s your sign, baby?” Well, if you’re a fan of Chinese Astrology like yours truly, then the real question is, what’s your element? Now, just to be clear, there are several elements to choose from and they coordinate somehow with the year you were born and your email password. The elements include wood, fire, water and green bean slicers. Wait, that’s not right, but can I just tell you that one of my BFF’s really got me a green bean slicer? This is not a joke. I don’t even have the patience to eat green beans (you get four on a fork at a time–what kind of cruel joke is that?), let alone snip the tips off both ends for cooking, and now she wants me to slice them? What’s next, braided green bean casserole? Sorry friend, but you shouldn’t have crossed that line.
Back to wood and wind and water, oh my! All of these elements play an important role in your Chinese horoscope too. Now, I know if you’re anything like me, you subscribe to at least 28 daily horoscope emails and won’t make more than a hair appointment without calling the psychic hotline–hey, we’ve all been there. Once you incorporate the elements into your decision-making though, you can feel that much more confident that your Year of the Snake will be a prosperous one.
Chinese sun signs are sexier too. At least mine is. In American lingo, I am a Pisces, aka, the fish. Whereas my Chinese sign, has me as a Tiger. Tamara the Tiger is so much more fitting than say, Tamara the Carp. According to American astrology, I’m a whimsical dreamy little twit who’s waiting for a big strong somebody to protect her. As a Tiger though, I kick ass on my own. Roar. Tigers are cool, fish swim in circles. I am not a fish. Anyway, I wanted to make sure I was able to share with everyone some tips for the New Year that will help make you more prosperous, happy and tall.
As always, I rely on the expertise and authoritative input of my good friends google and wikipedia:
*Cleaning sweeps away the bad luck of the preceding year (and possibly a receding hair line)
*Put your brooms and dustpans away so that good luck cannot be swept away (I think Dustbuters and shop vacs are OK, though)
*This is an “auspicious” (love that word) time to buy new clothes (read: pull out that Nordstrom card and get happy)
*Businesses should pay off their debt to start anew (I’m totally screwed)
*Families should celebrate by eating a big meal the evening before (do not try to boil frozen pot stickers. Just sayin’)
If you want to know what your Chinese Sun Sign is, you can look here. I’m sorry for those of you who were born in the Year of the Rat, because, ew, rodents. But otherwise, it’s pretty cool to know your sign and your element. You’ll have to wait for another post on feng shui if you want to know where to put your wood and water, though. My work here is done.
Shameless self-promotional part: Hey, if you’re into personal development, check out my more serious books here. If you like comedy, just wait till this book is released (Spring 2013). Put your email up in the corner box and lets be best friends forever!!!!