Here are some signs that you may indeed have an Internet/Social Media Addiction:
• You forgot to pick your kids up at school because you were too busy waiting to see if anyone liked your status (they didn’t).
• You met your mate online and now get mad at him because he won’t close his Match.com account (he’s cute!).
• You check your facebook notifications in the middle of church. During prayer. Come ON!
• All of your conversations consist of 145 characters or less.
• When you’re in the shower or driving, you’re thinking about clever status updates.
• You’ve tweeted, texted, posted & responded before your coffee’s made.
If you answered the questions above truthfully, then you probably found at least three you’d have to admit to. If you say you don’t, then you;’re a big fat liar and we can’t be friends anymore. Fortunately, most of my friends are honest. Ahem *clears throat like she has something important to say* (she doesn’t). So, here are the 13 steps to help you during these challenging times:
1. Admit you have modem. Even if it’s cable. However, if you have dial-up, you have more problems than I can help you with.
2. Come to know there is a higher power. Bill Gates, Seth Godin seem like good candidates.
3. Make a decision to reach out to that higher power (Seth lets you leave comments on his posts).
4. Do a daily search of yourself without using Chrome, IE or God Forbid, Firefox.
5. Admit on facebook the exact nature of your wrongs (please tag me so I can see).
6. Be ready to accept the fact that Justin Bieber is NEVER reaching puberty.
7. Humbly asked Ashton Kutcher to stop tweeting and to please shave.
8. Make a list of all the people who have liked your status and like theirs back. I mean, really, a little reciprocation goes a long way,people.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others (that YouTube video of your best friend dancing naked the night before her wedding WAS really entertaining, but now that it went viral and she’s in rehab, maybe text her an apology?)
10. Continue to take personal inventory and solemnly swear not to update your facebook status every three minutes, because really, that is SO ANNOYING.
11. Seek truth from sources outside of Wikipedia, and recognize that google is not God. Sorry.
12. Swear you will never post another cat video again. Ever. Never. Ever.
13. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, carry this message to the masses by re-tweeting, re-posting, and emailing everyone you’ve ever met since you were 12. Sharing is caring. (I have no vested interest here…Bwhahahaha)
And if you really have a drinking problem, then I’m sorry if I offended you. Please give me the bottle and get the help you need.
PS….here’s the real 12 Steps.
If you really want to know the most influential people in social media.
SHAMELESS PLUG: check out my upcoming self-help humor book. You’re gonna LOVE it. Promise.