Actually, I mean drive responsibly and let’s wrap up our discussion on taking responsibility (real estate agent/writers are simultaneously addicted to caffeine and alcohol, so forgive my confusion). Once we grasp the importance and liberation of taking the rap for our crap (rhymes are fun), we can start to create new crap. Wait. You know what I mean. We can create a more wonderful life all full of fluffy pink things.
One great way I suggest is to make a list of the five most effed up things you got going on right now. Could be conflict (mother in law on crack and refuses to share), could be money (got no money to buy crack), or could be a goal you have (want to find new crack dealer). Regardless, make your list. Send vodka when you’re done and then we’ll get to the next step.
Mail your care package? Good. Okay. Now look at the list and as painful as it is (don’t worry, Mommy has band-aids all ready for you) acknowledge for each entry what you could have done differently. Get it? No matter what, no matter how many justifications you have about the lousy landlord secretly slipping snakes in your bed…we’ve all been there– but that’s no excuse. Also, don’t just do this exercise mentally, because that’s what got you in trouble in the first place. Write that shit down. Black and white, pen to paper, indelible ink. Tattoo it on your butt cheek. Do not make me get my butt cheek tattoo gun, because I will.
Do you see how it just maybe you had something to do with your dilemmas? Dangedist thing, huh?! It’s true though, if you’re going on a mission to discover the one common denominator in all your troubled situations, ten bucks and a bottle of Grey Goose, you were around for each and every one of ‘em. *straightens collar in superior manner* The good news is, that since you contributed to the mess, you are completely capable of repairing and replacing it too. Now, is that GREAT news or WHAT?
Like I mentioned in the previous post, we all tend to blame everyone else for everything bad that has ever happened to us. Here’s a check list of examples:
- My car broke down…never mind that I haven’t had the oil changes since 1987
- My husband cheated on me…never mind that I haven’t brushed my teeth since the last election
- My boss is mean…never mind that I watch cat videos at work all day
- My boss won’t give me a raise…cat videos are funny
- I can’t find new clients…never mind that I stay in bed all day
- My current clients are dumb…never mind that I met them at Burning Man
- My mother in law hates me…never mind that I peed in her houseplant
Perhaps you are beginning to see a pattern here? There’s an old saying that I like to take credit for but I didn’t really make it up. It goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I think it’s a great quote to keep in mind when all of them, are pissing you off. Sure, you can say they are dumb heads that are dumb, but what if you had even the ittiest bittiest teeniest weeniest bit to do with it? You can pack up your bags and blow this joint—move all the way across the country– but odds are that you’ll only end up in a new place with the same problems. Wherever you go, there you are; problems, challenges and cat videos in tow.
I’m all about moving on and moving up, but eventually the rollercoaster ride ends and we all have to face the music. So turn your radio on really loud and stand in front it. Then, once you’ve faced the music, remember that anything you broke you can also fix. Now send me some vodka and get back to those cat videos.
My work here is done.
Shameless self-promotional part: Hey, if you’re into personal development, check out my more serious books here. If you like comedy, just wait till this book is released (Spring 2013). Put your email up in the corner box and lets be best friends forever!!!!